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Is there really something called a “Happily Married Life”?

Is there really something called a “Happily Married Life”?

Our Clinical Psychologist, Ashima, has written our latest blog post – all about relationships.

Is there really something called a “Happily Married Life”?

This is a question which has been put to me many times in my life. And perhaps some of you can relate to it as well.

The truth is…There is truth in being happily married, and there is truth in finding your happily ever-after. But we have to understand a marriage in baby steps, and we have to see through the differences and similarities couples share. That is the secret to be decoded. 

One of the biggest landmarks in an individual’s life, is marriage. It can be ‘Heaven’ or ‘Hell’.

It takes compromise, time and joint effort to build a successful marriage. Dealing with today’s high paced lifestyle can often be overwhelming and, at times, cause a strain on the couple’s relationship.

It is very easy to tip work-life balance and start taking each other for granted. It is very easy to project our stress from work or other daily chores onto each other without meaning it.

Marriage brings many challenges for both men and women. Living with another person day and night for the rest of your life is very different from dating that person. Leaving one’s own cosy zone, stepping into each other’s personal space and daily routine, figuring out roles, time to spend together, expectations, decision-making processes and balancing work with one’s new marital life are big challenges.

For this reason, relationship counselling or seeking support when you feel you cannot do this alone is always a good option.

Knowing that there is help and support and that you are not the only one’s going through this is very satisfying. 

5 Tips for Better Relationships

1. Play it as a Team

Both of you have to understand that now there is no more ’YOU’ and ‘I’, its  just ‘WE’ and ‘US’. Knowing that you both function as a team and not separate entities is vital for a good marriage.

2. Mindful Communication

Everyone knows communication as an important aspect. However, when it is done mindfully, it brings it to another level. Mindful communication implies paying attention, listening to your partner and talking openly about your feelings, hopes and desires. And when your partner is talking to you, try not to dismiss your partner or his/her feelings. Sometimes, you just need to be ‘ALL EARS’ to your spouse and not try to ‘fix things’. Just be there for each other. Without honest and open communication, no team would progress.

3. Mr. or Mrs. Always Right: Remember that you play it as a team

In our relationships, we often indulge in conflicts with our partners. However, most conflicts can act as building blocks to understand your partner and his/her needs. Resolving conflicts can also help your partner understand you and your needs by expressing, sharing and receiving information in a positive manner.

4. Have set points of your relationships

Make sure you have certain set-points in your love relationship and stay in discipline of not going below them. For me I have a set point of one date night per week/one movie per week. These should not be compromised, but if you do end up falling behind a set-point, make sure you add a little extra next time to gear yourself back. This will keep you from feeling stagnated.

5. Have fun and pick up an activity together religiously

Relationships don’t have to be full of do’s and don’ts nor be completely serious – make them as fun as you can, and let loose your fun inertia by engaging in activities you like together and keeping it light. It could be anything from meditating together to exploring caves. Just remember to keep the fun alive.

These techniques help enhance your relationship bond. 

And, who knows … you might just manage to get your happily ever after!!!!!!!


Love Over Fear

Love Over Fear

In our first blog post, our counsellor, Ali, talks about conquering fear with love. We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section.

I’ve been toying with the idea of starting a blog for some time now – but I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to write about, and how to tie it in with what we do here at Integrate hk. Well, today (while drinking my second coffee) I had a revelation. I suddenly felt compelled to write about love. Not romantic love. Human love. The love that people show for one another, regardless of who they are, where they’re from, what their story is, even whether or not they know each other. This type of love is kindness, care, compassion. Empathy.

As a counsellor, love is the crux of what I do. The place it comes from. The very heart of it. I don’t need to know my clients to love them. That is, to treat them with kindness. To care for them and show them compassion. To listen with an ear and an attitude brimming with empathy and Unconditional Positive Regard (thanks Carl Rogers!).

But I don’t want to talk about my clients or even my practice here (ethical issues aside!). The idea to write about love came from me thinking about fear. When I think about the things that are going on in the world at this moment in history, I am filled with dread and fear. Most of these events don’t affect me directly, but they still affect me. I’m saddened for the people that are being turned away from help because of where they’re from – because of fear. I am despairing for the displaced, the unloved and the unlovable. Fear and hate seem to be sweeping the world right now, so I figured the only way I can counter that in one small, but hopefully effective way, is to love. To show love, to talk about love, to encourage love.

This quote from Fred Rogers really resonates with me. Looking for the helpers is looking for the people acting in love. When we look for the helpers, we shift our focus from hate to love. And when we seek out love, we find love in little, every day things.

Lately I’ve been seeing love in the kind acts of friends – an offer of help, an encouraging word, a timely message. I’m trying to show love by doing the same for friends. For strangers, I’m trying to remember to do little things like smile when I meet someone’s eye, give up my seat on the train to someone who needs it more. Let people in when there’s traffic. When you shift your focus, where are you seeing everyday signs of love? How are you spreading love in small ways?